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Pretty Me

May 7th, 2011

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I got my first groom!  That is groom as in haircut, not groom as in husband.  MonkeyButtBunnyEarBoy is the only one for me!

Before my groom: The carefree look

After my groom: Neat huh?

I don’t know why they gave me a bandanna instead of a pink bow.  Maybe cause my mom kept telling them not to cut my hair like I was a poodle, cause I’m not.  I am a doodle through and through!

Actually, I prefer my frauzy look.  I think my mom had all my hair cut off because she had all her hair cut off.  Like she says, though, it’ll grow back and the short cut will be good for summer and  SCHWIMMING!

I have been wading, but I haven’t SCHWAM…..SCHWUM?…yet.  Mom says that I will SCHWIM real soon, but she wants the river to go down a little first.  I can’t wait!


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Happy Easter

April 4th, 2011

HEY STOOP COOP & FOUR TICKS!

December 28th, 2010

Well, it’s 362 days until Christmas, so I am banking that Sandy Claws is resting and won’t start making his list for at least a month or so…..SOOOOOOOO  Cooper and Fortis, this is for You!

BWWWWwwaaaaaaahahahahahahahah! Slam and Dunk!

My First Christmas!

December 26th, 2010

Hey Everypawdy!  Look at me.  I was Santa’s helper.

Monkeybutt, check out how I made myself look like a tripawd.  Let the infiltration begin!  Tee hee hee.

I'm a berry good little girl dog!

December 26th, 2010

Bwaaaahahahahahahah!  Christmas is fun!  Sandy Claws brought me a butt-load of presents.  Toys, food, treats, food, toys, food, and food!

Monkeybutt, I got a really cool stuffed monkey!  He screams when you bite him!  Here I am opening my looney.  It makes a neat, mournful sound when you bite it.

Mattie opens Christmas loon

My Spirit Brother, Opie & Santa Claws

December 23rd, 2010

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This guy is seriously creeping me out.

This is my spirit brother, Opie with Santa Claws.  My mom promises me that she will take my Christmas photo tomorrow and post it.  I’ll be sure to remind her cause it’s my first Christmas and everypawdy should have their picture taken for their first Christmas, right?

Thanks Monkeybutt Rocket! and Other Stuff

December 4th, 2010

Monkeybutt Rocket you are the best boy-dog friend I have ever had in my whole life!  All five months!  I got the package from you in the mail yesterday.  You smell nice; better than I imagined!  I couldn’t wait to open the package!  Mom had to help me because of something called effin’ Tyvek.  Anyway, I ran across the room with the cool dog-bag and mom was in hot pursuit.  No photos of that.  She took the dog bag off of me and would only let me look at the monkey cards if I sat “nicely.”  Harrumph!  She said the monkey’s name is Curious George.  That is soooo funny because she sometimes calls me:  Nebby nose.  Nebby:  Pittsburgh slang for nosey.  Sticking one’s nose in other people’s business.  Being overly curious about things that are not your concern. Yessiree, bob, I am one Curious George or Nebby Mattie.

Then she showed me the beautiful, monkey-clad, bandanna.  It is the softest thing I have ever felt, except for otter fur.  Is it silk?  I’ll bet it is.  I’ll bet it is hand-dyed silk from New Dehli, India, huh?  Did you pick it out yourself?  I hope so.  That would make it soooooo much more special.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Rocket. I am so happy.

Mmmmmm.  My bandanna makes me feel so soft and squishy inside.  It will be hard to concentrate, but I promised that I would show you how I redecorated my house.

You no like?

I think it is a BIG Improvement

So, what do they expect?  They put me in jail and expect me to do nothing?  I gotta keep in shape.  Mom was all like, “Oh Mattie!  You tore up the bed I made for you.”  Jeez mom, nothing lasts forever.  It was over a whole week old.  Besides dogs playing poker is I bit passe’, dontcha think?

After they let me out of jail, I decided to redecorate the living room.  I mean, why CAN’T all my toys be sprawled out on the floor?  Doesn’t make sense to keep them in box.  Besides, with the toys out of the box, I have a cool little monkeydog bunker.

And monkeydog, Mattie, lies in wait for any wayward tripawd to stumble by.

Okay.  Enough of that for now.  Back to the forums.  I went to the dog park today and will try to post videos of ME givin’ all the other dogs whatfor.  I realize, however, that posting videos can be really tricky.  After all, it took Cooper two days to giterdone.  And we all know how smart Cooper is.  MMMmmmmmm ahem.  mmmmmm cough.  MMMMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmPPPWwwwwwwaaaahahahahahahahahahah.

Stoopid Coopid

November 29th, 2010

AhDuh. Hi everypawdy. I am Stoopid Coopid. I am a tripawd, so I am so special, polite, and good. I never do anything wrong. Ah Hyuk

What’s a (expletive deleted) nipple?

November 28th, 2010

I'm in jail because of something called a (expletive deleted) nipple. ????

Okay, my Pop is really hard to figure out.  We were wrastlin on the floor and having a grand old time until Pop yells his bloody head off.

Mom:   “What the !#@&# did she do?”
Pop:  “She bit me.”
Mom:  “Where?”
Pop:  “It doesn’t matter, she’s gotta stop that biting.”
Mom:  “Okay, but where did she bite you?”
Pop:  “Right on the (expletive deleted) nipple.”
Mom runs to the bedroom and buries her head in a pillow.
Pop goes in to the bathroom.  Then comes out.
Mom comes back into the living room and says let me see and grabs Pop’s shirt and yanks it up over his head, but he really doesn’t want her to…he’s kinda crabby.  Then Mom laughs and says, “We could hurry on down to the tattoo shop and get you a ring for it.  ????????
So, really, WTH is a nipple?  And what is a (expletive deleted) nipple?  Some sort of super nipple?

All I know is whatever it is, I shouldn’t go there…

Tripawd hat

November 25th, 2010

Ugh.  I told my mom she’s not allowed to post stuff on my blog!  She’s supposed to stay in the forums.  Harrumph!  But she wants to post a photo in the forums and she can only do that if she puts it in a blog.  Yeah. Right.  She is just trying to read my stuff.  So, I told her I would post the picture.  Big Deal.  She had the tripawd website embroidered on the back of Pop’s tripawd baseball cap.  Pawrents are goofy.

After market embroidery on 3-paw tripawd hat

Monkeybutt, some of the tripawds are calling for an exorcism.  They think we are possessed!  Bwwwwahahahahahahahah.  We are!  Possessed with Monkeydog Power!  Don’t worry.  I knew it was you making that comment on my last post.  I just figured you infiltrated CometVomit’s account, just to show her you could.  Hehhehheh.  Keep up the good work Rocket!  MonkeyFace Mattie.